wisdom from dad

"Somebody told me there’s gonna be some shootings at Wal-Mart tonight. So don’t go. It’s gang..."

Sat, 28 Mar 2009 22:29:00 -0400

“Somebody told me there’s gonna be some shootings at Wal-Mart tonight. So don’t go. It’s gang initiation night.”

- advice my father gave my sister on Tuesday, in case she happened to be going to Wal-Mart that day. (He is a dentist in the Midwest and has no gang connections.)

Dad: So were your wedding invitations pretty expensive?

Sat, 28 Mar 2009 22:28:18 -0400

Dad: So were your wedding invitations pretty expensive?
Amanda: No, I got a really great deal on them.
Dad: That’s shit-kickin’.
Amanda: Is that a word?
Dad: Yeah, it means like really cool. You know, shit-kickin'.

on Obama

Thu, 22 Jan 2009 19:29:26 -0500

Dad: I watched the inauguration at work today.
Amanda: Yeah everyone seems really hopeful.
Dad: Well, the thing is, he's a communist.

"That makes it a very nice happy birthday ladies and gentlemen."

Tue, 20 Jan 2009 00:19:26 -0500

“That makes it a very nice happy birthday ladies and gentlemen.”

- my dad, after we gave him a plastic case for his iPhone

my parents went to see my sister perform with her college dance team last weekend

Tue, 20 Jan 2009 00:19:03 -0500

Me: Did they dance a little too provocatively for you?
Dad: I'm at my age it doesn't provocate me anymore.

"Tomorrow is my Friday even though it is Thursday. If you didn’t know me, that statement would..."

Tue, 20 Jan 2009 00:18:22 -0500

“Tomorrow is my Friday even though it is Thursday. If you didn’t know me, that statement would be hard to get your brain around.”

- my dad, in an email to my sister. He doesn’t work on Fridays.

"When someone is sick they can dehydrate and have real problems. You need to keep pushing liquids...."

Tue, 20 Jan 2009 00:17:43 -0500

“When someone is sick they can dehydrate and have real problems. You need to keep pushing liquids. Gatoraid, juice, and crap like that.”

- my dad, dispensing medical advice in an email to me after he found out I was sick. (He is a dentist.)

Dad: Saw a cute movie last week on the DirecTV dealie-bob.

Fri, 16 Jan 2009 14:10:00 -0500

Dad: Saw a cute movie last week on the DirecTV dealie-bob.
Me: What did you watch?
Dad: John Hancock.
Me: You mean John Adams?
Dad: No, John Hancock. With Will Smith.
Me: Oh, Hancock.
Dad: Yeah.
Me: Did you buy it on pay-per-view? Because you got the Blu-Ray DVD of that movie for Christmas.
Dad: Oh crap.

Family Update

Sun, 19 Oct 2008 20:03:39 -0400

Me: So when is Amanda moving out?
Dad: When she moves into her new house.

from the archives

Sun, 19 Oct 2008 19:37:34 -0400

Me: Didn't you used to be a light sleeper?
Dad: Yeah but not anymore.
Me: What happened?
Dad: You guys graduated and nobody got pregnant.

Advice on buying a house

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 19:18:50 -0400

Amanda: I offered $80K but they countered $86K. What should I counter back?
Dad: Offer $80K.
Amanda: What?
Dad: Offer $80K again.

"We are a fingernail away from a depression."

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 19:15:00 -0400

“We are a fingernail away from a depression.”

- my dad, on why he bought 100 cans of soup