“ Somebody told me there’s gonna be some shootings at Wal-Mart tonight. So don’t go. It’s gang initiation night. ”
advice my father gave my sister on Tuesday, in case she happened to be going to Wal-Mart that day. (He is a dentist in the Midwest and has no gang connections.)
- Dad: So were your wedding invitations pretty expensive?
- Amanda: No, I got a really great deal on them.
- Dad: That’s shit-kickin’.
- Amanda: Is that a word?
- Dad: Yeah, it means like really cool. You know, shit-kickin'.
January 22, 2009
2 notes
on Obama
- Dad: I watched the inauguration at work today.
- Amanda: Yeah everyone seems really hopeful.
- Dad: Well, the thing is, he's a communist.
“ That makes it a very nice happy birthday ladies and gentlemen. ”
my dad, after we gave him a plastic case for his iPhone
my parents went to see my sister perform with her college dance team last weekend
- Me: Did they dance a little too provocatively for you?
- Dad: I'm at my age it doesn't provocate me anymore.
“ Tomorrow is my Friday even though it is Thursday. If you didn’t know me, that statement would be hard to get your brain around. ”
my dad, in an email to my sister. He doesn’t work on Fridays.
“ When someone is sick they can dehydrate and have real problems. You need to keep pushing liquids. Gatoraid, juice, and crap like that. ”
my dad, dispensing medical advice in an email to me after he found out I was sick. (He is a dentist.)
January 16, 2009
2 notes
- Dad: Saw a cute movie last week on the DirecTV dealie-bob.
- Me: What did you watch?
- Dad: John Hancock.
- Me: You mean John Adams?
- Dad: No, John Hancock. With Will Smith.
- Me: Oh, Hancock.
- Dad: Yeah.
- Me: Did you buy it on pay-per-view? Because you got the Blu-Ray DVD of that movie for Christmas.
- Dad: Oh crap.
Family Update
- Me: So when is Amanda moving out?
- Dad: When she moves into her new house.
from the archives
- Me: Didn't you used to be a light sleeper?
- Dad: Yeah but not anymore.
- Me: What happened?
- Dad: You guys graduated and nobody got pregnant.
